Why can't I be who I want to be? Do what I want to do?

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I'm 14. I've had multiple (reasonable) dreams I've wanted to do. For example, write. I wanted to be a writer for oh-so-long. I still do. Each time I read a book, I say "Why can't I be a writer..." I have the burden of having little to no imagination. So I can't really make a story-line. But my word context is great, and I can setup the story just fine, make great descriptions, but not too descriptive (readers hate too descriptive).

I still dream of being a writer, but now I focus on something else: becoming a singer. This may be the hardest thing in my whole life, because I've had problems with my speech since I could talk. I still do. I stutter, a lot. Studying words won't help, because no matter if it's stuck in my head, I stutter. The worst part is, I don't even realize I'm stuttering. Then, I've got another speech problem with my "r's". I can say things like train, rain, ramp, cars, but not things like Earth, girls, or anything with the r in the middle. I never could, ever since I could talk. I've also got a terrible voice: it's deep, but hard to understand.

To go along with my speech impediment, my voice itself is screwed up, you can't understand me, and I don't know why. Most people can't understand me (not like, the picture of me, but what I'm saying). The worst part about all of this is that to me, I sound like I'm talking normal, I don't even sound like a deep voice, or screwed up voice, or messed up R's, or stuttering. But I do all of this, and I can't practice alone, even if I do conquer my speech impediment, my voice kills my singing.

Why can't I be who I want to be...

I play soccer every day in PE, and I did for 3 years straight. And I never once scored a goal, no matter how hard I tried. I also forgot to mention, I have ADHD (who doesn't now-a-days?). I can't do anything right.

In the middle of 6th grade, I began getting depressed, because the fact is, I actually used to be good at drawing, at coloring, at my handwriting, at my talents, I was in the cool group. I lost it all in 6th grade, all my talents. The root of it started when I got kicked out of Daycare, following my fathers' death (who was only 39, and I had lots of fun with him) a month later. Another month later, my nanny died (who I visited every weekend, she acted young, even though she was 74 at the time). I blame the doctors for Nanny's death. They refused to x-ray scan her when we asked, and they decided to do it a year later to find a tumor, they said it was the biggest they've ever seen. She died a week later from a heart attack.

Why can't I do what I want to do...