07-14-2012, 02:37 PM
I think I may finally be beginning to get over all this...
I've actually had a few days in the past week where I have had some hours being not half-depressed.
Part of it may be that I have some hope for it being fixed again in the immediate future...
And part of it may be that I've realized I really don't want to follow the same path I fell into last year.
I've realized that programming is just avoiding reality and hiding in your own world. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, but you're never going to get anywhere real with it. Video games are good as a distraction but putting your entire life into it, especially into the stressful trial-and-error of programming one, just will not bring true happiness to me.
I've found that I find more true satisfaction and joy in several other things, specifically books, music (though only specific music -- a song like Chris Daughtry's September or Rascal Flatts' Life is a Highway is still as likely to make my eyes water as it is to cheer me up, and it's been a long time since listening Taylor Swift has not made me want to punch something. And don't get me started on Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, or My Chemical Romance.) and cars and travelling. If I'm constantly going through new places and not staying long, maybe returning through now and again, then I can deal with it much better than getting stuck in one place for a few years, getting attached, and then getting yanked away again.
I'm not going to quit Buildism or anything -- you guys are still the closest friends I have right now, and the only people I can have a decent (or sometimes indecent, ha) argument with. But my focus has changed a whole lot since I joined a year ago, a reasonably good 14-year-old Lua scripter from Roblox. Working on my novel and maybe my music is now more important to me (and perhaps has been but I have not consciously admitted it) than making some little two-dimensional thingy that I can't find motivation or inspiration to finish. If anybody needs help making their own games, I'll jump in to provide assistance, but I cannot forsee my completing any games of my own.
I've actually had a few days in the past week where I have had some hours being not half-depressed.
Part of it may be that I have some hope for it being fixed again in the immediate future...
And part of it may be that I've realized I really don't want to follow the same path I fell into last year.
I've realized that programming is just avoiding reality and hiding in your own world. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, but you're never going to get anywhere real with it. Video games are good as a distraction but putting your entire life into it, especially into the stressful trial-and-error of programming one, just will not bring true happiness to me.
I've found that I find more true satisfaction and joy in several other things, specifically books, music (though only specific music -- a song like Chris Daughtry's September or Rascal Flatts' Life is a Highway is still as likely to make my eyes water as it is to cheer me up, and it's been a long time since listening Taylor Swift has not made me want to punch something. And don't get me started on Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, or My Chemical Romance.) and cars and travelling. If I'm constantly going through new places and not staying long, maybe returning through now and again, then I can deal with it much better than getting stuck in one place for a few years, getting attached, and then getting yanked away again.
I'm not going to quit Buildism or anything -- you guys are still the closest friends I have right now, and the only people I can have a decent (or sometimes indecent, ha) argument with. But my focus has changed a whole lot since I joined a year ago, a reasonably good 14-year-old Lua scripter from Roblox. Working on my novel and maybe my music is now more important to me (and perhaps has been but I have not consciously admitted it) than making some little two-dimensional thingy that I can't find motivation or inspiration to finish. If anybody needs help making their own games, I'll jump in to provide assistance, but I cannot forsee my completing any games of my own.