Is this alright?
#1
I have an essay due tommorow and I'm doing it last-minute, keep in mind this is a rough draft.


When I grow up, I would like to become a concept artist and/or programmer for Bungie, a very successful videogame company. For me, both jobs can be really easy, because I love the game company, and can draw concept art for any of their games in a snap and I already know some of the programming language called Lua, I can easily alter any code in that language, depending on the game environment and I really hope I can learn C++, another scripting language that most games run on, in high school. The job requirements are not really that high, I already have most like professional attitude and an ability to take constructive criticism. Both jobs do require internship, like most other jobs in a videogame business. I think the best place to learn all the other job skills I would need is probably at a videogame-specializing, or design college.
Probably the classes that can really jump-start me in high school are Photoshop class, java script class, and maybe web design. Photoshop can come in really handy at ANY art career in a videogame field, because I think in the future a lot of art-related jobs will strongly need at least some experience with virtual paint brushes. Java script can really help be out because it’s a programming language that is very similar to C++ and Lua. Web design can be very good to know how to do, since it can help out in programming and Bungie have a whole website with a large community of fans, it can come in really useful if they need anyone to replace Urk, the guy who manages atleast a third of the site and writes huge blog posts about new game updates.

Not done, either, by the way.
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#2
javascript = one word
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#3
Oh, thanks.
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#4
"The job requirements are not really that high"
somehow i doubt that
its good though
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#5
Alright, thanks.
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I put this at the bottom of the page just for the lulz.
I'll add finer details in the final draft.
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#6
(05-13-2011, 01:46 AM)Interwebs Wrote: help be out
Should be "me".

Not trying to be hard on you but, this essay doesn't really have the standard layout...it seems more like a list and the beginning more of a praising of one's self. Try this pattern;

Intro:
-Grabber
-topic,
-background/info
-background/info
-thesis (3 main points)

Body 1:
-Point from thesis
-observation/background/info
-evidence (back up BG/info)
-analysis (of what was explained)
-conclusion/transition

Body 2:
-Point from thesis,
-observation/background/info
-evidence (back up BG/info),
-analysis (of what was explained)
-conclusion/transition

Body 3:
-Point from thesis
-observation/background/info
-evidence (back up BG/info)
-analysis (of what was explained)
-conclusion/transition

Conclusion:
-Restatement of thesis
-although statement (something others would argue against)
-sentence that proves statement wrong,
-connections to society
-ending sentence

Things to note:
Thesis - argument/ your stance; what you want to people to believe
Evidence - hard facts (from your self or other source)
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#7
Pretty good!
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#8
(05-13-2011, 01:58 AM)Ming-Yan Wrote:
(05-13-2011, 01:46 AM)Interwebs Wrote: help be out
Should be "me".

Not trying to be hard on you but, this essay doesn't really have the standard layout...it seems more like a list and the beginning more of a praising of one's self. Try this pattern;

Intro:
-Grabber
-topic,
-background/info
-background/info
-thesis (3 main points)

Body 1:
-Point from thesis
-observation/background/info
-evidence (back up BG/info)
-analysis (of what was explained)
-conclusion/transition

Body 2:
-Point from thesis,
-observation/background/info
-evidence (back up BG/info),
-analysis (of what was explained)
-conclusion/transition

Body 3:
-Point from thesis
-observation/background/info
-evidence (back up BG/info)
-analysis (of what was explained)
-conclusion/transition

Conclusion:
-Restatement of thesis
-although statement (something others would argue against)
-sentence that proves statement wrong,
-connections to society
-ending sentence

Things to note:
Thesis - argument/ your stance; what you want to people to believe
Evidence - hard facts (from your self or other source)

That was half of my rough draft, plus this does kinda look like like a foundation to a persuasive essay.
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#9
It is persuasive but all essays essential are like this.
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