Hannah's Encounter [Zombie story, Incomplete]

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OMG............................. MY EYES!
TL;DR! I COULDN'T RESIST!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Please don't post TL;DR. It upsets me when I see this, because it bumps up the post count and makes the user who posted it feel like the work put into it won't even be read.

I honestly can say this, OP, great job. The thing you need improving on (every writer has something they can improve on, for me, it's to stay on the correct tense (past, present, future) For you, it's indenting and making paragraphs at the correct time. Typically, if a conversation happens towards a character, it usually happens as followed:

"Hey, Bob." Bill said.
"Hey, Bill." Bob said.
"What's up?"
"Nothing much."
"Nice, same here."

See where I'm getting at? This is the writing style that people like to see! As for the paragraphs, a paragraph indicates the topic of what you're discussing. The details should be in with it. If the details don't match the topic, sometimes it's OK, but most of the time, it usually requires a new paragraph. Make sure the topic is general. Sometimes the topic is describing the scenery. Sometimes it's describing a character.

Other than that, great story!