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Rate my Buildism Story so far.
#1
Quote:One day Fish and Fwluffy was walking to Light's Dojo. But Light wasn't their. Dominus tenebris was a evil master mind
who lost to Fish and Fwluffy in a Build-o-Brick match 2 Years ago. Dominus tenebris team was with is friends Atrum and Diet. Diet was the mildy
chubby friendy one, Atrum was the one who wore a cloack but helpful and friendly also. But when Dominus Tenbris and the team almost won,
Diet did the wrong move and made the hole tower tip over, they lost to Fish and Fwluffy. Diet was pulled into a unknown dark tunnel by Dominus Tenebris,
Atrum got is cloack and vanished to avoid Dominus Tenbris evil unknown loss of Diet. But now it is 2 years later. But Atrum changed his name
from the darkness into Light. He never wants to go back their again. Anyway Light wasn't their. But they was his old cloack. Atrum told Fwluffy
and Fish about this story. He gave details about is dark,sick days of Dominus Tenbris.. He told them about his cloack. So they knew somthing was wrong..
Fwluffy shouted "Look, Fish what's that Blimp, Rocket thing?!?!?!" Fish looked Closely. It said "Lord of the Darkness" Fish said to Fwluffy "Hmm.. It
says Lord of the Darkness! Weird...", Fwluffy rememberd is Latin lessions from is Llama farm! Fwluffy said "Wow.. That's weird.. Dominus Tenebris in Latin, Maybe
DOMINUS TENEBRIS TOOK ATRUM!" Fish "Wow! Your right! We got to help him. But how?!?!?!" Fwluffy said "How about Old Man Bob? He used to be in the Army!"
Fish Repied "Neat idea Fwluffy! To Old man Bob's house AWAY!"

:o I am making a movie. This is only the very start of it. What do you think? Rate it out of 10! ^_^ Thanks!
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#2
You really need to proofread.
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#3
(05-06-2011, 02:56 PM)Duck Wrote: You really need to proofread.

What's a proofread?
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#4
Spellcheck. Sometimes I can't quite tell what's happening in the story due to misspelled/misplaced words.

This isn't chat -- it's a storyboard, so it's important for us to know EXACTLY what's happening.
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